makar [ˈmækər]
n (Literature / Poetry) Scot a creative artist, esp a poet
[a Scot variant of maker]

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Last night, I couldn't sleep. On either side of me, snuggled a small boy, both contentedly snoring, and at my feet, curled our cat, also happily snoring. There wasn't much room to move, but my mind was roaming. I was thinking about all the usual things that keep you awake in the early hours: the 4am panics, as I call these episodes. Fretting over money and house prices; parenting and schools; my children's teeth; the fatness of my hips; the state of the floorboards and the ceilings and the walls; the credit card balance...

And of course, all this is bullshit because life is good. A bit repetitive and dull sometimes, but gooooood. We have everything we need. We have the things that lots and lots of people struggle to pull together: shelter, food, education, stability. When I start worrying about renovations, and whether to buy a KitchenAid (and if so, which colour?), and when my kids should start music lessons, and if we should aim to buy a house near to the sea or in a good high school catchment area...well, it feels like I'm playing a game with very silly rules. And I've never been much of one for games. Yet, somehow at 4am, these things seem to matter.

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