makar [ˈmækər]
n (Literature / Poetry) Scot a creative artist, esp a poet
[a Scot variant of maker]

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Last week, I had one of those days of reckoning, when you realise that your cunning plans aren't that cunning. In short, it became apparent that I can't actually afford to pay for my 2 year old to attend childcare for one day a week. After working through quite a bit of guilt, I'd reached the point where I'd decided that this was the best option to enable me to have a decent chunk of writing time (I'm starting my PhD very soon!!!!!). But alas, it is not to be. So after a little sob (sorry Centrelink lady but I was at the end of 7 days of solo parenting...), I reassembled myself and decided to figure out how to write a novel and a thesis, while being a mum to 3 small children and wife to a workaholic. It's a plan-in-progress but I have a few ideas and some leads... I just really wish that libraries had creches. Why don't they?

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Last night, I couldn't sleep. On either side of me, snuggled a small boy, both contentedly snoring, and at my feet, curled our cat, also happily snoring. There wasn't much room to move, but my mind was roaming. I was thinking about all the usual things that keep you awake in the early hours: the 4am panics, as I call these episodes. Fretting over money and house prices; parenting and schools; my children's teeth; the fatness of my hips; the state of the floorboards and the ceilings and the walls; the credit card balance...

And of course, all this is bullshit because life is good. A bit repetitive and dull sometimes, but gooooood. We have everything we need. We have the things that lots and lots of people struggle to pull together: shelter, food, education, stability. When I start worrying about renovations, and whether to buy a KitchenAid (and if so, which colour?), and when my kids should start music lessons, and if we should aim to buy a house near to the sea or in a good high school catchment area...well, it feels like I'm playing a game with very silly rules. And I've never been much of one for games. Yet, somehow at 4am, these things seem to matter.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

I just haven't felt much like blogging lately. I keep coming up with things to write about but somehow they never seem substantial enough to constitute more than a few scrappy sentences. Also, I've been obsessively watching True Detective, so that's keeping me occupied! I'm fascinated by the dynamic between the two protagonists - it's reminded me how much I love writing dialogue and why I once wanted to be a scriptwriter. I'm also reading a really sad book that I'm finding quite emotionally draining - books can colour my whole mood - to the point that I really want to finish it, despite the poignancy and beauty of the language. And then there's the 7 days of solo parenting that's creeping up on me. I know that's nothing compared to some, but it will be a slog and I'm not sure I have much in reserve. So that's where I'm at: holding on out for some inspiration...

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