makar [ˈmækər]
n (Literature / Poetry) Scot a creative artist, esp a poet
[a Scot variant of maker]

Sunday, May 25, 2014

The day after I wrote the previous post, one of the things I've been waiting for did come to fruition in the form of an admission offer to a PhD program. I was so happy for about 24 hours and then the doubt started creeping in. How was I going to do this? When would I find the time? Was I totally delusional? I've spent the rest of the week, trying to navigate my way out of this state. The problem is that I've always believed (and spouted) that a happy mum equals happy kids. If you want to go back to work because that's what makes you tick, then that is totally acceptable, and if you want to stay at home with the kids, then that's great too. We're all different and one person's decision needn't mean that they condemn an alternative path to the one they have taken. It's just that I've never managed to apply this to my own life. Every time I've been on the cusp of arranging some childcare to enable me to concentrate on writing or studying, I've talked myself out of it: they're too little; it's only another year or two; we can't afford it; I'm the one who should be looking after them, not some stranger; I can just work at night time... Yet, I've come to realise that I'm not completely fulfilled being at home all the time, and that I need something else to stop me losing the plot. I guess I'm a little slow because I only really came to accept this late last year! It seems greedy to want anything else; it feels like a betrayal of sorts. But I know that I need more, and so I'm going to have to find a way to make it happen, one that works for us all.


Sunday, May 18, 2014

I'm in a kind of weird limbo these days, waiting for a couple of things to come to fruition and feeling like I don't really have any control over them, and just suffering a whole lot of anxiety and tension while I sit it out. I'm really engaged in my writing (even though I'm not getting many words onto the page), but physically exhausted. I was so determined to make some changes this year and it feels like we're 5 months in and not much has really altered. Someone said to me that I should: "Hope for the best and prepare for the worst". I think I really need to find some space to work out my Plan B, so I can take some pressure off this waiting game. Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!


Sunday, May 11, 2014

Back when we were students, my housemate accused me of being a literary snob because I refused to read Harry Potter. She was, of course, completely right - I had absolutely no interest in wasting my time reading Harry Potter because firstly, it was for children, and secondly, everyone was hooked on it. Instead of admitting to my snobby, elitist inclinations, I told her I wanted to save the series for when I had children of my own. Then we could read them for the first time together - wouldn't that be wonderful? Well, here I am reading Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone to an enraptured 6 year old and a vaguely interested 4 year old. And what do I think? I really like it, and it is wonderful discovering the world of Hogwarts together, but that said, I'm not about to sneak off and read ahead on my own!

Here are some other books we've read lately and enjoyed:

Beyond the Pawpaw Trees by Palmer Brown
The Silver Nutmeg by Palmer Brown
A Fox called Sorrow by Isobelle Carmody
Classic Fairy Tales told by Berlie Doherty
Operation Bunny by Sally Gardener
The Fairy Doll & Other Tales from The Dolls' House by Rumer Godden
The Clockwork Forrest by Doug MacLeod
Oliver and The Seawigs by Philip Reeve











Thursday, May 8, 2014

Yesterday was a sad day for my family, with sad weather to match our mood, but this made me smile:




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