makar [ˈmækər]
n (Literature / Poetry) Scot a creative artist, esp a poet
[a Scot variant of maker]

Sunday, August 18, 2013

I've been fretting over whether my blog has turned into a total whinge fest! My life after all is pretty good and I really don''t have all that much to complain about. When I first started reading blogs, the ones that really inspired me were those that presented a positive outlook on motherhood and in particular staying-at-home with young children. All those beautiful blogs seemed like such a wonderful antidote to the pervading negativity in the press. It made me feel that what I was doing was a good thing and something that I could throw myself into. But I can't pretend it's all chai lattes, organic gardening and craft projects. My days are chaotic and monotonous and very frustrating. To present it as anything else would be a bit ridiculous. Neither do I have any agenda when writing this blog. I want a space to vent; to express whatever is on my mind; and finally just to write because I need to. Writing for my blog is very different from my fiction writing but it is all that I can manage most of the time.

I bumped into a friend in the street the other day. I hadn't seen her for ages, despite having children of a similar age and living only about 10 minutes apart. She is a single mum of two, who is studying full-time. After we'd chatted for a bit, she asked me what I was doing these days. I was so taken aback by the question that I laughed and said, "Nothing, I'm uh just looking after the kids". I hate that I replied in this way; that I didn't think to mention the other things I do because they don't seem important; and that I referred to taking care of the children as "nothing". I work really hard every day (and night) - much harder than I ever have in a paid job - and anything else I manage to do is a bonus and a minor miracle. I need to stop apologising for myself and the choices I have made. And also to maybe whinge a little bit less.

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