makar [ˈmækər]
n (Literature / Poetry) Scot a creative artist, esp a poet
[a Scot variant of maker]

Thursday, July 5, 2012


Guilt and motherhood seem to go hand in hand, and lately, I've been suffering from some major bouts of it. Guilt about not doing anything very well; guilt about how often I say "in a minute", "not now", "maybe later" all day, every day; guilt about subjecting my kids to wet weather and trips on the bus because I don't drive; guilt about whether my middle child eats enough; guilt about not giving enough cuddles; guilt about not being able to sit down and really devote some time to helping my daughter learn to write, because she so desperately wants too; guilt about the crazy mess that is our house; guilt about not buying that much desired bike with peddles because the weekends zoom past so fast; guilt about not spending more of the day smiling adoringly at the baby; guilt about forgetting tummy-time more days than I remember; guilt that the third might well me be "the one that breaks the horse's back", as someone so charmingly commented. Yep, a whole lot of guilt going on here! Still, the kids all seem happier and more settled than they did a month ago, so I guess I must be doing something right... and it's the school holidays and we have parties and a puppet show to look forward to, and maybe a trip to the museum, if I can just summon the energy. Oh, and we've been growing mushrooms, which is very cool, even though the kids still won't eat them.

3 comments:

  1. And you've written this! And later, when you pick up the pen, reading back over this will spark your memory on the whole truth of the situation - good writing fodder eh? And of course, it'll give you memories of your lovely families' early life.

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  2. It's so easy to get caught up in all that guilt isn't it! I struggle with a lot of those feelings as well, but I'm trying to teach myself to actually look honestly at my children and actually see how fine they are doing, and to remind myself how much they live in the moment - they don't keep a running tally the same way we do. That first year with a new baby is full on, but the gift of a sibling will last long after they've (and hopefully we've also) forgotten the stresses of today. And from the outside I must say it looks like they are all thriving :)

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