makar [ˈmækər]
n (Literature / Poetry) Scot a creative artist, esp a poet
[a Scot variant of maker]

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I know it's "natural" (I am slightly wary of this word) not to know the gender of your baby until it's born, but I've not had this experience before and it is doing my head in a wee bit. With my first, I was desperate to know because I wanted a daughter and was worried that I would feel in some way disappointed to have a boy. There are so many unknowns during your first pregnancy and I really cherished the knowledge that I was carrying a girl. I still couldn't in my wildest dreams have imagined that she would look like she does, or be the person she is, but it did help to know this one thing. With my second, my husband really wanted a surprise, but I convinced him that we should find out - my GP thought it might help my daughter to know whether she was having a brother or a sister, and this seemed like a good enough excuse to me. I thought we were having another girl, but when we discovered the baby was a boy, we were shocked for about 5 minutes before the elation set in. My husband had always pictured himself with two daughters, so I think it was more of a surprise for him. This time, I promised that he could have his "it's a boy" or "it's a girl" moment at the birth, but at the 20 week scan I was once again tempted to find out. Now we have passed that opportunity, I'm finding the not knowing rather peculiar. It's not a matter of pink or blue - I've always actively tried to resist that and besides we have an abundance of both - but more a matter of imagining the baby into existence and ascertaining what their place in our family will be. At times, I've been convinced it's a girl, but then I've also been obsessing over boy names. I keep changing my mind about whether it would be better for the family dynamics to have a boy or a girl. My daughter would love a sister - in fact I am a little worried about how disappointed she will be if it's a boy - but I wonder how she will feel in years to come about having a sister who is four years younger than her, one who will probably like borrowing her clothes and checking out her boyfriends. Of course, it is all unknown really. Personalities will play their part and my handling of their interactions will determine, to an extent, how our family functions. The other issue is that my husband has taken to teasing me about names: he says if it's a girl, I can choose whatever name I want, but if it's a boy, he thinks we should call him Jupiter. I'm not entirely sure how serious he is...

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